I had a "deluxe room" at the hotel I stayed in last night, it had such wonderful features as:

• A floor that squeaked so loudly that it actually scared me when I walked in to the room.
  
• Curtains that were not quite wide enough to cover the window (after having to fight them closed in the first place)
  
• A TV that didn't have channel 5 (so I missed CSI)
  
• A bathroom that smelt of blocked drains
  
• Tiles in the bathroom that were about to fall off
  
• Tiles in the bathroom that had fallen off and been replaced different tiles (different colours and patterns)
  
• A knob to turn the shower on which fell off in my hand
  
• A cracked bath
  
• A bath panel made of hardboard
  
• Black grout between the white (ish) tiles, although I suspect it was white once.
  
• Decor from the forties (I don't mean retro, I mean actually from the forties)
  
• An enchanting view of the rear of the kitchen complete with bins and (surprisingly) old mopeds.
  
• Cobwebs on the light fittings.
  

You know, sometimes you just have to treat yourself* don't you?

* In my case I'll opt for a strong Fungicide